I was at a New Look store buying some new clothes when it happened. At the counter, I gave my credit to the cashier and he smiled looking at it. He started complimenting the old-school cassette image printed on the card, asked where I got it from and when, and so on.
I just nodded and mumbled something about having it for a while.
http://giphy.com/gifs/cheezburger-awkward-christian-bale-tKeKZrw3T72aQ
During the very first days staying in England I encountered my hardwired Finnishness in the typical way: trying to learn the (in)famous ‘small talk’ with Britons.
The topic of ‘small talk’ has been mystified, sort of. It’s something English teachers try to prepare us for and I remember us 16-year-olds thinking “what’s up with all this fuss”. Moving to England made me realize that the difficulty is not at ‘choose a common topic, not a personal subject’ or in the phrases and idioms one should be familiar with.
In England, one needs to be “ready to communicate” all the time. It might be the waiter asking about your card/accessories/anything or someone stopping by to ask where the train station/bus stop/closest pub is. And so on.
I haven’t gotten used to that in Finland. Sure, there are nice and talkative people everywhere and every now and then, and it’s nice to have chat with the person at a bus stop or with the cashier. But it’s more common to get into a discussion with random people in England, and that’s why ‘small talk’ is hard: I’m not mentally prepared to talk about something all the time thus freezing easily when someone sits right next to me on a bus starting immediately a conversation about the ticket prices.
http://gph.is/1jl5Atx
It’s not that I’m shy, quite the opposite. But it’s the mental state developed in Finland: people are granted solitude everywhere. My nervous system wasn’t expecting such social encounters by default. Being a loudmouth, I eventually adapted well into culture of having something to say all the time.
‘Small talk’ isn’t anything special or hard, but a state of mind. It’s definitely something that takes time to adapt to properly. It wasn’t a thing everyone was aware of or thought about at all. It’s just noticing how people just socialize a bit more.
For example, I learnt quickly that taxi drivers are real-life chat bots and taking a taxi is a highly communicative commuting method. One does not simply take a taxi without talking about the city experiences, where you are from (in case your accent reveals your Finnishness) and how students keep the city busy on weekends.
When I arrived to Finland, I took a taxi and started talking about the adventures, Finland’s weather (it was really grey and wet) but the driver just nodded back. Then I remembered, it’s all right. A taxi driver in Finland doesn’t get worried and nervous for me keeping it to myself.
I was home.
http://giphy.com/gifs/night-taxi-driver-robert-deniro-110DAkWxifE9Og
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