I lived abroad in Eastern England for a while couple of years ago. It was my first time leaving my hometown for an extended time. To say I was intimidated would be an understatement. I had to rely in my English skills everyday and navigate a new completely different city while working full-time. For the first time I had to have small talk every day with the baristas, the cashier and even the maintenance people working around my workplace. This was quite task for me even for me even though I considered myself an open and talkative person.
When time passed, I started to get used to small talk and my surroundings. I started making friends around the city and with every interaction speaking in English became easier. Most people around me noted that I was very comfortable in silence and that silence with me felt natural which to me was a true compliment.
This is time I had the biggest cultural shock of my stay. When it came to canceling already made plans with friends, my friends there would beat around the bush just to say they are tired, or they are just not feeling it at that time. They would make excuses and insinuate that it wouldn’t be a good time for any of us. I felt like there was a lot of confusion and reading in-between the lines for me to understand that this friend just needed time to themselves. As a Finn, I felt that it was completely justified and comfortable to say if I was tired or just needed alone time but suddenly, I was the only one saying so out loud. At that time, I did reflect and think if I was being tactless and if me saying that I do not want to see others was socially out of line. Of course, I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but for me listening to myself and communicating it felt normal.
After coming back to Finland and having similar experiences again with friends from outside of Finland, I realized that this direct honesty was a part of my Finnishness. Now that I am aware of it being a trait that might be seen as disrespect, I’ve learned how to convey the same message but in softer words. I absolutely do not want to change this trait about myself however since being able to protect your personal space and respect your needs is important. I also do love the direct communication style of Finnish people. I feel like this way there is less ambiguity in our lives. I don’t think that “me-time” is uniquely Finnish need, but I cherish having no shame to say so when the occasion calls for it. It is a dichotomy to think that the nation that is known for being sparing with words can be comfortable at the same time in saying things so honestly and valuing directness so high. After all, the more straightforward you are the less you have to speak.
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