A small disclaimer: This is not intended as criticism of either Finnish or British culture, nor do I mean to suggest that everyone in either country behaves the way I describe. These are my own experiences and perceptions, shaped by moving between two countries at a very young age.
Before moving to Finland at five years old, I was used to a different social environment. In Britain, I was familiar with more noise and people. Brits were expected to be polite and engage in conversation with almost anyone. For example, one childhood memory has me smiling and saying “Good morning” to each passerby on the nature trail. People would openly be concerned about strangers and stop to ask, “Are you alright, love?”
Living in Britain, I learned that there was this expectation that you should be social, expressive and approachable. And that silence was uncomfortable. Conversations should not have too many gaps. Always fill in the gaps. Always mind the gaps.
The pace of life also felt much faster and more competitive. Fashion and trends seemed to change constantly, sometimes from week to week. Sometimes it felt like a competition of who could be the friendliest and bubbliest person in the room. Or it could be a race of who keeps up with the ever-changing trends shown in magazines and on telly. Life could feel quite exciting when things were always changing.
When I moved to Finland at five years old, I did not immediately understand that I was experiencing cultural differences. I simply thought people behaved quite strangely, even rudely at times. Why weren’t they smiling? Why wasn’t anyone talking much? Why were people so hard to read? What could be going on in people’s heads?
I don’t think I knew any better. I had grown up expecting more obvious signs that someone was enjoying my company or having a good time in general. When those signs were missing, I sometimes assumed that I had done something wrong or that someone did not like me. I feel quite silly saying this now, but in some ways it felt like Finnish people were rejecting me. Unfortunately, that was my mindset at that time. With hindsight, I can safely say that I no longer feel this way.
Even small things contributed to this feeling. Finnish kids television seemed slow-paced compared to crazy fast shows on CBeebies, Nickelodeon and High five channels. Things just felt so quiet, and sometimes the whole country felt boring to my child brain. I was used to a certain level noise of action, and suddenly it felt like there was too much space between everything and everyone.
Learning how to understand Finnish behavior became a gradual process. I began to understand that someone might not say very much, but they could mean a whole lot. I was quite ignorant and stubborn about changing my mind about Finnish culture at first, but I did slowly become more open-minded and less critical about it.
As I grew older, I began absorbing these behaviors without really noticing. In some ways, I became more Finnish without consciously deciding to. It was a natural process.
As the years passed, I also found that, although I was growing up in Finland, the ever prevelent British side of me never disappeared.
I still feel the urge to smile at strangers or stop for a chat. I can still feel uncomfortable when I think someone is being distant even though they are just taking a break from talking. I still look for more obvious social cues to base my interactions on.
At the same time, I have become much queter and introverted that I probably would have been if I had remained in Britain. I would have probably turned out to be a completely diffrent person if I had stayed living there. I find myself thinking about this quite a lot.
It is sometimes only when I leave Finland that I notice how Finnish I have actually become. I had this feeling when I travelled to England with my family this Summer. So I still wonder what exactly makes me Finnish. Is it my nationality? My language? The culture I grew up in? The memories I have made here?
Maybe I will never feel like a “true Finn”, whatever that is supposed to mean. But I can love living here, and perhaps that is enough to call myself Finnish.
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