According to Nieminen, the starting point for getting to know other people is that when you consider yourself a good person, others will also treat you as such and want to get to know you. Conversely, when introducing yourself to a new acquaintance, think that the guy must be awesome and this will be a good conversation. An open-minded attitude is positively visible to the outside world. Basic trust in friendship is a prerequisite for getting to know each other naturally. (Nieminen 2017, 51.)
Even though smiling is not natural for all of us, it is worth practicing, as it is likely to make it easier to get to know each other when you go to situations with a friendly expression. Other important things in body language are looking into the eyes and good posture. The tone of voice also has an effect. A friendly and energetic tone of voice naturally appeals to other people better than a monotonous or angry tone of voice. (Nieminen 2017, 37–38.)
It can be relieving to know that people are mainly interested in their own issues. They don’t think about your actions and mistakes. Nieminen (2017, 56) reminds us that you don’t have to think about whether you are funny, smart or interesting. The other party doesn’t think about these things in you, but is likely to stress about it in their own case. When you focus on being interested, you are interesting to others.
Conversation starters should be kept simple enough. Friendly conversation starters, such as a nice compliment to the other person, always work. A good rule of thumb when having a conversation is: listen more than you talk. People usually love to talk about themselves, but it’s polite to ask questions to the other person from time to time. In a good conversation, both act like this, so that neither of them has to listen only to the other’s monologue. According to Nieminen (2017, 96), in one situation with the same person, you should try to open the conversation about three times. If the conversation doesn’t go well, don’t be discouraged, because there are plenty of people in the world.
May Day is approaching and with it various student events. For a lonely person, they can cause difficult situations, as participating in events alone may further increase the feeling of being an outsider. For this reason, many people do not go at all, even if they are interested in participating. For example, if someone tells you in passing that they don’t have any plans when discussing May Day plans, ask them to join your own group. At that moment, it can be just what the person in question is looking for and makes them feel less like an outsider.
Think about how you can make the situation pleasant for the other person and reduce their possible uncertainty. Use friendly and casual conversation starters and show that you are interested in getting to know each other. Say hello to people briskly and happily. If someone doesn’t say hello back, it’s their loss. Try to keep a smile as your basic look. This is how you spread good mood around you. Spring is coming and the bright season is once again full of new opportunities!
Sources: Nieminen, K. 2017. Olet hyvä tyyppi – Opas sujuviin ihmissuhteisiin. www.olethyvatyyppi.fi
Text: Anni Parviainen
Intern, Learning and Wellbeing Services, TAMK
Photo: Pixabay
